At Gabriel's.
23 June 2005 16:22![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thewolfinsideJason sits on the couch, drinking a cup of coffee, watching Lil freak out over not having a dress for the masquerade tonight. Hell, he didn't even know there was a masquerade.
thewolfinsidethewolfinside![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 23 Jun 2005 21:53 (UTC)I don't hate him. I reserve that for special people - you know, the ones that try to kill me, or put me in dog kennels type of people.
I'm nnoyed with him, don't understand him; and I'm even over the annoyance part, really. I just had to sit back and think about it for a while though.
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Date: 23 Jun 2005 21:58 (UTC)no subject
Date: 23 Jun 2005 22:12 (UTC)And you did it for the same reason that Gabriel would have. And I had to rage at him not to do that. If the pard were stronger and he wanted to sacrifice himself - I may think differently. No I wouldn't, who am I trying to kid. But at least the pard would be stronger, able to take it.
On the other hand, I understand the concepts of discipline - of keeping order and all. I may not do it, but I understand it. It was just..overkill, I guess the word is. Overkill and then some. And I don't think it's necessary. But I haven't been pard that long so maybe you can expain it to me.
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Date: 23 Jun 2005 22:22 (UTC)It wasn't overkill. Trust me on this. Because that's what it was about, trust.
*sighs and looks out a nearby window*
I was trusting all of you last night. I trusted Nate to know if it went to far. I trusted Gabriel to stop it if Nate told him to.
*looks at her*
And I trusted you to keep watch over me. I didn't expect to you understand it, but I needed you to trust me, trust us, that we knew what we were doing.
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Date: 23 Jun 2005 22:27 (UTC)I didn't. I sat outside, and quietly ranted and raged, and cried for you. But I didn't interfere.
Now, that may be your version of trust, I don't know. You tell me.
And what's with this masquerade deal, anyway?
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Date: 23 Jun 2005 22:39 (UTC)What you saw last night was me paying for a royal fuckup. And Gabriel was hurting as much as I was. That's the difference. He did it because he had to, not because he wanted to.
And yeah, I could have said no and walked off. I could have told Gabriel I didn't want to go through with the punishment. He offered that, but I know if he did...
If I can't trust him with me, then how can I trust him with Lil and Scud? And if I backed out, the idea that I didn't trust him would have been there. No matter what he says, some part of him would have questioned my trust for him.
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Date: 23 Jun 2005 23:00 (UTC)It all kinda looked the same, and it brought back some.. never mind. You were there.
Sorry Jas. I really didn't understand. And that's what I told him last night too - that I didn't understand.
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Date: 23 Jun 2005 23:10 (UTC)"Thanks for the outfits Leela, but they aren't going to work. I have to go pick up my costume from the shop, your stuff is on Gabriel's bed."
Rushes out the door.
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Date: 23 Jun 2005 23:11 (UTC)no subject
Date: 23 Jun 2005 23:13 (UTC)*tilts his head at her*
"The entire pard has been invited."
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Date: 23 Jun 2005 23:28 (UTC)I didn't know...hadn't gotten that memo, I guess.
Anti-Raina meeting? wow.
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Date: 23 Jun 2005 23:38 (UTC)Yeah. I wasn't going to go, but Lil talked to Dawnie this morning.
Who knows, maybe it will work.
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Date: 23 Jun 2005 23:39 (UTC)no subject
Date: 23 Jun 2005 23:44 (UTC)no subject
Date: 23 Jun 2005 23:11 (UTC)Raina would have made it worse, and she wouldn't have stop. Gabriel did only what needed to be done. And it worked, not the way he wanted it to, but it did.
*shrugs*
If you're going to give up your gift, don't do it over this, please?
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Date: 23 Jun 2005 23:21 (UTC)It's what its doing to me inside, hardening me - that I'm worried about. And yesterday - when I realized that I had lost control? Major freaking out there.
*voice starting to break* I'd promised myself that I would always be in control, and the first time I got hurt I lost it. Jason - what if I had hurt someone? *looks at the floor again*
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Date: 23 Jun 2005 23:24 (UTC)This is why you don't go out by yourself. Not shifted. The longer you're in animal form, the more your instincts shift toward an animal's.
Ask Scud, or Lil when they get back. Hell, the two of them brought down a good sized buck last night. I guarantee it wasn't the human part of their brain that did it either.
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Date: 23 Jun 2005 23:38 (UTC)I've been learning it all by trial and error, because either no one else knows - or I didn't want to interrupt, to intrude. There has been some serious shit going on, you know.
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Date: 23 Jun 2005 23:46 (UTC)And you scared the fuck out of Gabriel yesterday.
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Date: 23 Jun 2005 23:51 (UTC)Always been like that anyhow.
Didn't mean to scare Gabriel, like that. Um, yea. We have to have that talk tonight, also. Sheesh.
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Date: 23 Jun 2005 23:57 (UTC)Yeah, I know.
*looks up at her*
In the pard, you're never alone, not anymore. Even if you don't keep the gift, you're still part of us.
...can it wait until AFTER the party?
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Date: 24 Jun 2005 00:05 (UTC)Hell's bells I hope Gabriel forgets it completely. He mentioned spanking me Jason. I'm a little bit old to be spanked, you know? Unless it's foreplay. And with Gabe and you..
you know.
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Date: 24 Jun 2005 00:12 (UTC)*grins*
Really...
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Date: 24 Jun 2005 00:15 (UTC)Really, Jason. No spanking the Leela, ok? And for Gods' sakes, do not..
OK, what are you plotting, behind those beautiful eyes of yours?
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Date: 24 Jun 2005 00:16 (UTC)Me? Plotting? Never.
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