"I don't want to be in the way. Don't want to be just some little boy that you two have to work around. Want to be kitten again. Someone's kitten. Anyone's."
Standing just outside the door, eyes tightly closed. Hearing every word, wincing with every accusation. Hearing Jason and looking up, meeting his eyes.
"I'm sorry, Jason. I shouldn't have said that. Maybe I should go. Live with Lee. Or Sennyo and my other. Or that man that offered tonight. Leela says you and Gabriel will be married soon. Don't need a child like me in the way."
Closes his eyes, leaning his head back against the wall. "We can't send him away because he's pard, he's ours, and I don't trust anyone not to hurt him."
Opens his eyes, turning his head to look at Nathaniel.
"And leaving things the way they are is hurting him too."
Looks back at Gabriel.
"I can't keep hurting him Gabe, but I'm scared to death of fucking things up even more."
Reaching over, taking Jason's hand and pulling him close. Whispering softly, not sure if Nathaniel can hear them or not.
"We only have two choices. Either we take him into our relationship, as our pet. Or we find him a new home, as horrid as that sounds. He's not a puppy, I know but..."
"Wait a second. You just left the decision as to whether or not he stays or goes up to ME, and now when I leave the decision as to whether or not he shares our bed up to you, it's not right? What the fuck?"
Shakes his head.
"Screw this. Nathaniel, are you sleeping with us or the others tonight?"
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no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2005 05:57 (UTC)Smiling slightly.
"Why are people so mean about me serving?"
no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2005 06:02 (UTC)"I'm not sure either."
Looks down at the blanket, running his fingers over it.
"Because they're all about free will and responsibility and 'oh no, slavery is bad and the slave is always horribly abused' and bullshit like that."
He looks toward the door, frowning.
no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2005 06:05 (UTC)Stated matter of factly as if it was just the way life was. And for him, it was.
no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2005 06:12 (UTC)"We know that, but they don't, which is why they reacted that way."
Pulls his knees up to his chest, resting his head on them.
no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2005 07:26 (UTC)no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2005 07:28 (UTC)"Do you want to leave?"
no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2005 07:30 (UTC)no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2005 07:35 (UTC)"I... Fuck, where's Gabriel?"
Stands and walks to the door, pauses.
"I'm sorry."
no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2005 07:42 (UTC)"I don't know what to do.'
Whispered softly, apologetically.
no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2005 07:46 (UTC)no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2005 07:53 (UTC)Opens his eyes, turning his head to look at Nathaniel.
"And leaving things the way they are is hurting him too."
Looks back at Gabriel.
"I can't keep hurting him Gabe, but I'm scared to death of fucking things up even more."
no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2005 07:56 (UTC)"We only have two choices. Either we take him into our relationship, as our pet. Or we find him a new home, as horrid as that sounds. He's not a puppy, I know but..."
no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2005 07:59 (UTC)"Not a pet, no more pets."
Sighs, resting his head on Gabriel's shoulder.
"His decision and yours. You two have to figure this out."
no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2005 08:01 (UTC)Cradling Jason to him, nuzzling at the top of his head.
"And he can't decide. Neither can I. Has to be us."
no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2005 08:11 (UTC)"I don't want to screw this up, Gabe. I don't want to make things worse..."
Swallows, then nods.
"He stays with us."
no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2005 08:15 (UTC)"Are you doing that for him, me or you? Jason... I... I can't lose you. I just can't.'
no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2005 08:19 (UTC)"You won't. I'm not going anywhere, and I'm doing this for us, okay. All of us."
Pulls back, still shaking a bit, wrapping his arms around himself.
"We just need to set up some rules or something..."
no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2005 08:29 (UTC)KNowing he's babbling and not caring. He didn't come home for this.
no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2005 08:32 (UTC)"Yours, and I'm not leaving. You're not going to lose me."
no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2005 08:33 (UTC)Asked so softly, fearfully.
no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2005 08:39 (UTC)"That is up to you. I can't make that decision for you."
Kisses Gabriel softly.
no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2005 08:42 (UTC)Pulling away, turning and stopping just shy of slamming his fist into the wall.
"I. can't. Do. This. Not alone. I can't make the sole decisions about OUR relationship. I'm alpha, I'm not in charge of us."
no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2005 08:54 (UTC)"Wait a second. You just left the decision as to whether or not he stays or goes up to ME, and now when I leave the decision as to whether or not he shares our bed up to you, it's not right? What the fuck?"
Shakes his head.
"Screw this. Nathaniel, are you sleeping with us or the others tonight?"