(no subject)

[thewolfinside]

Jason stares at the coffee maker, trying to will it into brewing faster. He was an idiot, he knew this. Sugarhighs were stupid. Yeah, he had fun with them, but the crash hurt. Wasn't he just a fucked up little werewolf? He could drink until he was sober, but it was fucking sugar that gave him a hangover. Finally he just switches the pot with a coffee mug and lets it fill, then downs the brew.

He winces when someone makes Ella shriek, closing his eyes. Only thought about doing some work on the laptop for a second before deciding it was a bad idea. He drinks another cup of coffee and then puts the mug in the dishwasher. A quick search of the cabinet for some aspirin, which he swallows dry and then he's heading for the bedroom.

He slips into the bedroom and closes the door behind him. Closes the blinds, pullng the curtains over them, plunging the room into near total darkness. Curls up on the bed, closing his eyes, trying to make the headache go away.

Comments

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

Creeping so quietly over the floor. Ella finally down, babbling half asleep. The house so quiet. Yet he could almost feel and hear Jason's pain as he moved in the kitchen.

Taking a good three minutes to close the door, making sure it made nota sound. Crossing the floor like the cat he was, the springs barely squeaking as he crawled up onto the bed and pulled the bundled wolf to him, holding him loosely.

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Sighs, stretching out and snuggling against Gabe.

"I'm an idiot. Tell me I didn't offer to take Mini Raina to church."

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

Purring softly against Jason, nuzzling lightly at his jaw.

"Oh, you did. And then seemed upset when she refused. But you liked her fire spitting skills' Whispered softly, hoarse.

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Turns his head, looking at Gabe.

"What's wrong?"

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

"Nothing to worry about right now.'

Said softly, tenderly as his hands slid up and down Jason lightly. "More worried about you, pup."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Just stares at his mate for a few seconds before answering.

"I. Have a headache, caused by my own stupidity and over indulgence. What is wrong?"

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

Sighing, turning his head to look the other way.

'Just heard something that set me on edge. That's all."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

"Okay."

Kisses Gabriel's shoulder and then lays his head on the man's chest, closing his eyes.

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

Wrapping his arms around Jason, nuzzling against his hair. He couldn't. Couldn't say it. Couldn't ask about it. And the secret, the knowledge he was keeping something from his mate, ate at him.

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Lays there staring into the darkness for a while, saying nothing. He can feel how tense Gabriel is, and it hurts. His head, his heart...

Finally whispers to Gabe in the darkness, not looking up.

"I'm not going to ask, done with asking. When you want to talk about it, whatever it is, I'm here."

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

"I plan to kill Nate.'

Said with finality, not question in his tones even as he said it allowed for the first time.

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Goes completely still at Gabe's words. Something was wrong, he knew it, could feel it. Breathing, that was it.

Struggling to take a breath, fighting back tears at the thought of Nate being dead. Yeah, his friend was an asshole, pushy, a dick, but...

A chill runs down his spine, images of Nate running through his head. How many times had the leopard cleaned him up after Raina had her fun? For the first time he wishes he had never forced his friend to stay human, to not give in to the leopard.

Closing his eyes, trying to calm down. "Why?"

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

He felt it. Didn't need lights. Didn't even need the heightened senses of his kind. He had known it was coming. He'd known that vocalizing it, that putting words to it, was too much. For himself. For Jason.

"What has he done to you that Lil feared me asking him to watch over you in your high? What will he do that you can't say no to?"

Tones low, flat, emotionless.

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Pulls away and sits up, wrapping his arms around his knees. He was always worried this question would come up, afraid to answer it, afraid of Gabe's reaction to the answer.

"It isn't what he will do, it's what he did do. And whatever he wanted."

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

'And you felt you could not say no to him why?"

Not moving even as his husband pulled away.

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

"Because I owed it to him."

Quiet, truthful. Even now he still felt he owed Nate for forcing him to face everything, forcing him to live.

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

"Explain that to me.'

Tones still holding no warmth, the war within him too much to allow it out in his voice.

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Shivering, pulling the blanket around him, hiding from his headache, Gabe or himself, he didn't know.

"Nate was in leopard form almost constantly for the last few months before Raina went nuts. I had to fight to get him to shift back into human form when we came here.

He hated it, wanted to die. Wanted to go join the others, but I wouldn't let him. I was selfish, I wanted him with me. It was no secret to anyone that we were sleeping together, as often as they walked in on us.

Then I developed that stupid infatuation with Wanda. I left him alone, basically kicked him out of my bed. He got pissed, was hurt, it built up and..."

Shrugs, pulling the blanket tighter around him.

"I told him to take his pound of flesh, and he did."

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

He listen to the story. So much ringing in his head. Tiny threads that pick up so much of their own shared history. Their own past. Everything Jason had done and was still trying to do for him.

Rising, moving so stiffly as he crossed to the window, curling up on the window seat, staring out at the moonless sky.

"When my time comes? When I'm the one left behind? I don't want it. I'll ask nothing. I accept my fate, Jason. I have since the moment I fell in love with you and gave you the only thing the rest of those bastards had left me. My heart."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Just stares at the bed, tears slipping down his face.

"Everything I've said, promised, done for you, and you still think I'm going to leave."

Looks up at Gabe, anger and pain in his eyes.

"What more do I have to do to get you to believe I'm not leaving? That I love you with everything I am and can't live without you? WHAT? Tell me, Gabe. It hurts me everytime you say that, that you don't have faith in us. Do you want me to wear that collar every minute for the rest of my life, because I will."

Closes his eyes, his head falling to his knees, muffling his voice.

"What do I have to do?"

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

"Why the fucking hell would you think I would want that?'

Snarling out the words, almost hurt.

"I don't want a fucking pet. I want a mate. If I wanted a pet? Nathaniel would be here and not Wales. I want you.'

Slipping to the floor, crawling over to the bed, staring up at Jason.

"It's me, baby. I still don't think I'm good enough for you. All I want to do is kill him. Literally rip his head from his body. I want to make him pay that he ever hurt you.'

Pausing, taking a slow deep breath.

"There's a little girl in the nexus I want to roast over a spit for the same reasons. I want to protect you. Keep your safe and avenge every hurt ever done to you. And I don't think I'm worthy of it."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Looking up at Gabe and then moving closer to the edge of the bed, running his fingers through the dark hair. Wipes at the tears with the back of his hand, staring down at his mate.

"I do."

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

Reaching up, tangling his fingers in Jason's golden mane, yanking him closer until their lips are almost touching.

"I love you."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

"I love you."

Repeating the words again then kissing Gabe, trying to let his mate know how much he meant them with that one action.

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

Crawling up onto the bed, up over Jason, moving to lay atop his mate, claiming in that one action.

"Mine."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Nodding, shifting make himself comfortable as he wraps his arms around Gabe.

"Mine."

Turning his head, nuzzling at Gabe's neck, whispering softly.

"If you won't leave him alive for me, do it for the one who really is innocent in all of this. Please."