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[thewolfinside]

Went back to my world last night. Bypassed St. Louis and portaled to Atlanta. I'm so fucking glad Betsy hasn't moved from the clinic she's working at. Spent four hours talking to her. She said I'm suffering from PTSD. Yeah, I went through something traumatic. The last seven years of my life. She also said it might get worse before it gets better.

She also said that the journal was a good idea. And to let Gabe read it. Like I was planning on keeping it from him. And the 'assignments' she gave me. First one: Identify where your abandonment issues started.

Not hard. Gabriel. Not my mate, the other one from my world. ...fuck, now I don't want to let him read this. He knows I had a 'thing' for the other Gabriel, but not exactly what it was.



Some classmates dragged me to a club two months into my freshman year. They said 18 was too old to be a virgin, especially with someone as cute as me. It was a mixed club, normals and lycans. Raina was recruiting, and he was with her. All the guys and more than a few of the girls were falling over Raina, I was one of very few who even noticed him.

How sad is it that he's the reason Raina even noticed me. I couldn't keep my eyes off him, was paying more attention to him than to her and it pissed her off. She bought our group drinks, invited us all to a party she was having...

She was my first. First female anyway. She half-shifted, tore me open and licked at my insides while riding me like a pony. Two weeks later I shifted and she forgot I existed.

He didn't though. At first it was casual talk, little comments when we were in the same room. He made it a point to always be near me, making snarky remarks about Raina. Then it was little touches, hugs, backrubs. I thought I finally had a friend since all my others refused to have anything to do with me. Next came the kisses and caresses in dark corners where I thought no one could see. Finally at one of Raina's parties he followed me into a hallway... fucked me right there against the wall, only a stone wall and a wooden door separating us from everyone else.

And then, he found someone else to play with. So fucking naive, too fucking naive. Never even knew they were laughing at me, taking bets. Gabriel's newest conquest. The little puppy who was infatuated with the Nimir-ra.

Raina thought it was funny. She'd laugh every time she saw me after that. Used it against me for years. Just like he used me.



Shuts the journal, tossing it and the pen on the window seat in front of him. Pulls his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs and resting his head on his knees. Just sits there rocking slightly, crying silently.

Comments

[mandorla.livejournal.com]

She holds the phone against her ear, heart skipping beats every time it rings. Sometimes she's afraid they've forgotten her. Silly, yeah, but being a loner kid most of her life makes it natural.

After all, how many times had her own mentor forgotten her? Left her with some kid team or another and disappeared for months at a time. Only a straw hat and a casual goodbye left behind.

Really, she just wants to talk to someone. She misses her adopted family, more than she can admit to Nathaniel. They actually noticed when she disappeared. They went after her instead of leaving her in the hands of a crazy man.

Lee firmly pushed aside thoughts of Bastion and concentrated on the ringing.

[pommede-sang.livejournal.com]

Jase grabs the phone, juggling it and Ella who had decided that twenty minutes before dawn was a good time to wake up.

"Pard house, Mini-me speaking."

[mandorla.livejournal.com]

Lee grins. "Hey, cutie patootie. How are things around the house? Any new faces I should know about? How's .... anybody?"

She relaxes, sitting in a chair, relieved to hear a familiar voice.

[pommede-sang.livejournal.com]

"Let's see, Em got shipped off to Telepath Boot Camp. I'm going nuts and can't sleep in our room so I'm crashing on the pullout upstairs in the loft. Leela has amnesia, Zane's alpha after killing a bunch of people in his St. Louis and for the first time ever, Jason and Gabe's bedroom door is locked."

[mandorla.livejournal.com]

Lee didn't answer for a moment, taking her time to pick apart and process the information.

"I saw Leela, I hope she's doing better. How's Zane handling the change? When isn't their bedroom locked? Have you heard from Emma? How's Lil with the wedding so close? And how is Ella?"

[pommede-sang.livejournal.com]

"Zane is Zane. He and Leela got into a screaming fight yesterday, but I think they worked things out, sorta. Um, Jason usually unlocks it by dawn because of Ella. No, I don't expect to thought. Haven't heard from her. And fine, spoiled, perfect."

[mandorla.livejournal.com]

"See if you can sneak a kick to the pants to him for me. I hope they did work it out. I need to call Lil. Hope that thing is still on. And of course she is. She get any new toys lately? Or could I send something from here?"

[pommede-sang.livejournal.com]

Laughs.

"Oh, it's still on. Leela's decorating the house and garden, Jaydyn is getting a severe case of nerves and Gabe's talking about a bachelor party tonight. No, no new toys so send whatever. Gabe bought her a pony though. You could hear Jason yelling about it on the other side of the lake."

[mandorla.livejournal.com]

Lee grins.

"I had a ghost help me pick out my dress. It's a lovely Victorian thing. Though I'm sure if anyone actually wore it back then it was in the bedroom or a bordello.

"Think you guys would kill me if I sent her some of the candy I found here? Some of it moves, it's so freaky. And I have some really cool toys too.

"Now, if only I could find something for a wedding present."

[pommede-sang.livejournal.com]

"No, Jason refuses to let her have sugar, so no candy for the baby."

"...bondage equipment?"

[mandorla.livejournal.com]

"Think I could pass off a chocolate frog that jumps as a toy?"

Lee bursts out laughing. "I think I can manage that, for all that it's illegal here."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

"No, smell Lee dear."

"I'm sure you can find something in Snape's closet."





((bedtime))

[mandorla.livejournal.com]

"You're right. Toys only.

"Don't make me think thoughts like that. Anyhow, I'd better go. We still have a ton of maintenance on this sprawling old behemoth. Thanks for putting up with me."

(( *BEREFT!* ))