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thewolfinsideThe ranch was quiet at night. The house was dark, but light showed along the edges of the covered windows of the bunk house. There wasn't much noise, mostly the sounds of coyotes howling in the nearby hills and the horses moving around in the barn. A storm was moving in, and most of the cattle had been moved closer to the barn and wooded area nearby so they could ride out the worst of the wind.
The barn itself appeared dark, but if one went inside, they could see the faint glow from a lantern shining on the ceiling above the back corner of the hay loft. Up in that corner, Jason was curled up on a bedroll, a kettle of coffee nearby kept warm by the thick towls and hay around it. A cup of cooling liquid was on the floor beside him, forgotten while he wrote in his journal.
The journal was a small book with a leather cover and hand bound pages. It had kept him sane during the first few dark months after Rose's death and Jasia and Jase's leavings. The first Christmas had been the hardest, Gabe had refused to decorate or even admit that the holiday was happening. This last one had been better, Gabe actually smiling when recieving his gifts from Jason and Scud. After things had settled down and Jason had gotten used to the routine, it had become a habit to write in the journal.
Getting used to the routine had taken a while, and the first time or two that Scud had shown up to share Gabe's bed, the older man had to pull Jason aside and tell him what was going on. Jason had picked up on the signs quickly after that, giving both men a nod and a smile whenever Scud would darken the doorway, then leave them alone. He'd quickly decided after the first night that he was better off not being in the house when Scud came by, because the sounds only added to the images in his head, and he was sure that the ranch hand wasn't the type to invite anyone else into the bed.
Very rarely did he leave the ranch though, and most of those nights were spent up here, in the hayloft. Finished with his writing for now, Jason set the book and lead aside, then laid back against the hay bale. He wondered what had happened to Jasia, she had just up and disappeared and no one had heard a word from her. Jase wrote occasionally, his last letter telling about the ranch he had signed on with up in Montana and the troubles going on up there. He didn't expect it to last, Jase never stayed anywhere more than a few months, unable to settle down after losing his girl. Jason expected that his brother would be mourning Rose until he died.
Moving the now cold cup next to the lantern, Jason blew out the lantern and curled in his bedroom, not going to sleep, but thinking in the darkness.
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Date: 2 Mar 2006 08:00 (UTC)"Wishful thinkin', Gabe. Wantin' the impossible. Nothin' good ever came of that." The words are soft, almost muffled against Gabe's skin.
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Date: 2 Mar 2006 08:09 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2 Mar 2006 08:15 (UTC)He goes still, thinking. "Yes. If the impossible could happen, yes."
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Date: 2 Mar 2006 08:24 (UTC)"You don't regret it, do you? I mean, I wasn't even sure you'd be my lover so how could I think we'd end up here?"
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Date: 2 Mar 2006 08:31 (UTC)"How could I regret it, when it gave me the person I've been in lust and then love with since I was fifteen? When without it, I'd be alone on some godforsaken ranch with only some half formed fantasies to keep me warm? I love you, Gabe. You're the reason I came back. No, I don't regret it."
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Date: 2 Mar 2006 14:51 (UTC)Stroking Jason's hair as he chuckles softly. "I wanted you then too but then it just didn't seem right. And then Rose was falling for Jase and I wasn't sure how you'd handle datin' your future father in law."
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Date: 2 Mar 2006 18:14 (UTC)"I would have been fine with it, more than fine."
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Date: 2 Mar 2006 18:18 (UTC)Ducking back as the lantern was lit, watching Jason acutely.
"I hurt you, didn't I?"
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Date: 2 Mar 2006 18:26 (UTC)Turning carefully, he hands the cup to Gabe and smiles. "I'm fine, Gabe. Won't be ridin' a horse tomorrow, but I wanted it."
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Date: 2 Mar 2006 18:40 (UTC)"Is it wrong I want t'do it again sometime,' he asked, sipping at the brew and seeming to actually enjoy it.
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Date: 2 Mar 2006 19:19 (UTC)Laying down, resting his head on Gabe's leg. "I meant it, if there was a way... I would, want to be open about things. We can't though, so I'll take what I can git, here with you."
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Date: 2 Mar 2006 19:23 (UTC)"I'm sorry we can't have that and...' Gulping the coffee, trying to breath as he says this. "If the day comes you want a right life? Life a wife and kids and all... I'll understand.' He's lying. He knows he is. He can't understand and he likely wouldn't recover but he had to make the offer, do the right thing.
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Date: 2 Mar 2006 19:41 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2 Mar 2006 20:35 (UTC)"Never thought I could be this happy, especially after...' One day. One day he'd be able to say it. Not today.
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Date: 2 Mar 2006 21:09 (UTC)Tugging at Gabe's hand, he kisses his palm. "I'll help you get ther, promise."
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Date: 2 Mar 2006 21:12 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2 Mar 2006 23:39 (UTC)"Guess I better work hard, then. Don't wanna let you down."
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Date: 3 Mar 2006 00:29 (UTC)"Was that a good shock or a don't ever do that again, Mister Gabriel look?"
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Date: 3 Mar 2006 00:50 (UTC)no subject
Date: 3 Mar 2006 00:56 (UTC)no subject
Date: 3 Mar 2006 01:11 (UTC)no subject
Date: 3 Mar 2006 01:20 (UTC)no subject
Date: 3 Mar 2006 01:28 (UTC)Pushes Gabe back down onto the bedroll. "Besides, I have this idea of being bent over a fence along the back pastures and taken for a ride. And I'm not leaving until that happens several dozen times."
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Date: 3 Mar 2006 01:40 (UTC)Groaning as he fell back, whimpering as he reached for Jason. "I think we can make that happen."
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Date: 3 Mar 2006 01:45 (UTC)(no subject)
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