"They have their lives, Jason. I know this. And I'm glad Zane is bonding with Leela too. He needs it. I..I think he liked Cherry and then she snapped so... he needs it."
Sighs, closing his eyes at his harsh words, forcing himself to remember that this was Nathaniel the kitten, not Nate the bastard. Nathaniel would be upset, not angry, at those words.
"Where he tells me I'm not his kitten anymore. That you two are... together. Like no one else. I.. I have heard the others talking. I know. I... I know I shouldn't listen but I did and... I don't want to hear it yet, Jason. Please."
"I don't want to be in the way. Don't want to be just some little boy that you two have to work around. Want to be kitten again. Someone's kitten. Anyone's."
Standing just outside the door, eyes tightly closed. Hearing every word, wincing with every accusation. Hearing Jason and looking up, meeting his eyes.
"I'm sorry, Jason. I shouldn't have said that. Maybe I should go. Live with Lee. Or Sennyo and my other. Or that man that offered tonight. Leela says you and Gabriel will be married soon. Don't need a child like me in the way."
Closes his eyes, leaning his head back against the wall. "We can't send him away because he's pard, he's ours, and I don't trust anyone not to hurt him."
Opens his eyes, turning his head to look at Nathaniel.
"And leaving things the way they are is hurting him too."
Looks back at Gabriel.
"I can't keep hurting him Gabe, but I'm scared to death of fucking things up even more."
Reaching over, taking Jason's hand and pulling him close. Whispering softly, not sure if Nathaniel can hear them or not.
"We only have two choices. Either we take him into our relationship, as our pet. Or we find him a new home, as horrid as that sounds. He's not a puppy, I know but..."
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Date: 26 Jul 2005 05:21 (UTC)Spoken as if it were all his own fault.
"They have their lives, Jason. I know this. And I'm glad Zane is bonding with Leela too. He needs it. I..I think he liked Cherry and then she snapped so... he needs it."
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Date: 26 Jul 2005 05:26 (UTC)Sighs, closing his eyes at his harsh words, forcing himself to remember that this was Nathaniel the kitten, not Nate the bastard. Nathaniel would be upset, not angry, at those words.
"Like I said before, I worry about you."
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Date: 26 Jul 2005 05:32 (UTC)Sighing, turning over and facing the wall.
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Date: 26 Jul 2005 05:33 (UTC)"Yes, it does matter. And I am NOT wasting my time."
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Date: 26 Jul 2005 05:36 (UTC)"I'm sorry."
Shivering, trying to keep his breathing even and calm.
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Date: 26 Jul 2005 05:39 (UTC)"It's... it's not your fault, it's mine. I'm better at screwing things up than I am at fixing them."
Sighs, shaking his head, moving off the bed.
"I'll get Gabe for you, okay?"
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Date: 26 Jul 2005 05:43 (UTC)Rolling over, grabbing Jason's hand, clinging to it.
"Please... Either go or stay but don't get him. Not ready for that talk. Not ready. Please."
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Date: 26 Jul 2005 05:44 (UTC)"What talk?"
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Date: 26 Jul 2005 05:46 (UTC)no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2005 05:48 (UTC)"It won't happen today, I promise. Just, let me get him for you, please?"
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Date: 26 Jul 2005 05:51 (UTC)Curling back up, sighing.
"He's your mate. Get him if you must."
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Date: 26 Jul 2005 05:55 (UTC)"You sounded like Nate, just now. Like he does when I've done something to disappoint him."
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Date: 26 Jul 2005 05:57 (UTC)Smiling slightly.
"Why are people so mean about me serving?"
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Date: 26 Jul 2005 06:02 (UTC)"I'm not sure either."
Looks down at the blanket, running his fingers over it.
"Because they're all about free will and responsibility and 'oh no, slavery is bad and the slave is always horribly abused' and bullshit like that."
He looks toward the door, frowning.
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Date: 26 Jul 2005 06:05 (UTC)Stated matter of factly as if it was just the way life was. And for him, it was.
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Date: 26 Jul 2005 06:12 (UTC)"We know that, but they don't, which is why they reacted that way."
Pulls his knees up to his chest, resting his head on them.
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Date: 26 Jul 2005 07:26 (UTC)no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2005 07:28 (UTC)"Do you want to leave?"
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Date: 26 Jul 2005 07:30 (UTC)no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2005 07:35 (UTC)"I... Fuck, where's Gabriel?"
Stands and walks to the door, pauses.
"I'm sorry."
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Date: 26 Jul 2005 07:42 (UTC)"I don't know what to do.'
Whispered softly, apologetically.
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Date: 26 Jul 2005 07:46 (UTC)no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2005 07:53 (UTC)Opens his eyes, turning his head to look at Nathaniel.
"And leaving things the way they are is hurting him too."
Looks back at Gabriel.
"I can't keep hurting him Gabe, but I'm scared to death of fucking things up even more."
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Date: 26 Jul 2005 07:56 (UTC)"We only have two choices. Either we take him into our relationship, as our pet. Or we find him a new home, as horrid as that sounds. He's not a puppy, I know but..."
no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2005 07:59 (UTC)"Not a pet, no more pets."
Sighs, resting his head on Gabriel's shoulder.
"His decision and yours. You two have to figure this out."
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