Entry in Written Journal

[thewolfinside]

He killed Jason tonight. Not me, but an alternate. It's really messed him up, he's been having nightmares.

I've been watching them all night, him and Ella. I've seen how he holds Scud and Leela, know how he holds me at night. Wraps himself around us like he's holding on for his life, afraid someone is going to tear us away.

He's different with her. Cradles her gently as if even asleep he realises she's the most precious thing in our lives. Because she is


Great, I was afraid of this. Ella is running a temperature. She's been cranky all night, which isn't saying much because she's always cranky if Gabe is gone during her bedtime, but tonight was bad. Not even Em could get her to calm down. I laughed when I first saw the diaper bag Lil brought in with her, cheap and packed with all kinds of 'Must Haves' that the social services people put in them for foster care babies. Now I'm kinda glad we have it because Children's Motrin is a thing of the gods.

Sitting on the bed now, Ella curled up in my lap, Gabriel's arm stretched over the both of us. Both of them needing touch to settle down and sleep. It's ironic, normally she wants Gabe for everything and now suddenly she wants me. It's a little funny.

It's going to be a fun night, I almost feel sorry for Em. A sick cranky kid and a house full of shifting lycans. She's going to be a mess come morning, but if she survives it and still wants to stick around...

I hope she does, they need each other and Rhos told me... can't trust in that now, not until after she's born. But it's a dream, something to hold onto.

I wonder if I should tell Emma and Adam what she said, about them having a son?

Sorta miss Scud. He's always good for early, early morning talks. I can't tell if any lights are on in the garage, and I can't leave these two. Not that I'd wake him up just because I'm needing someone to talk to. Miss that, all of us cuddled in one bed. Warm, safe... Lil's with Jaydyn now, Leela's with Zane or Asher, Scud with ...whoever he's with when he's not here. Asking Jase or Em in would just be weird and Lee and Nate are in Wales...

I miss it, but it's something I'll have to get used to.


Closes the journal and leans over, putting it into the drawer of the nightstand. Leans back against the headboard, Ella curled up on his lap like a kitten, Gabe's arm stretched over them both.

Comments

[leela1.livejournal.com]

Coming into the house, walking around with the lights off, not to disturb anyone. She trips, falls against the kitchen table with a muttered oath, and pushes herself off it, skittering the table across the floor.

Running her hand through her hair again, she could swear she felt blood and brains still in there - even though she had washed, scrubbed her hair several times before getting out of the shower earlier.

She opens the fridgerator door, uses the light to find the cookie jar. Grabbing some cookies out of it, she stuffs one in her mouth and wanders down the hall aimlessly.

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Looks up, but doesn't move. Couldn't if he wanted too because of the hold Gabe has on him. He picks up a pillow and tosses it at the door, wincing when both of the sleepers shift at the sound.

[leela1.livejournal.com]

She is passing the door when she hears some noise on the other side in Gabe and Jason's room. Noticing the light was on, she knocked very sofly then opened the door, pushing the pillow out of the way.

She looks at the pillow on the floor, then up at the figures on the bed. Picking up the pillow, she looks at Jason with her eyebrow raised. Quietly she whispers "Did you .. drop this?"

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

He nods, holding out his hand. Whether for her or the pillow is her choice.

[leela1.livejournal.com]

She turns, closes the door softly so a draft wouldn't slam it shut and carries the pillow over to him. Standing beside him, next to the bed she looks at the three of them and a small smile crosses her face.

She looks at Jason, hands him the pillow, whispering "Next time you drop it..let's hope it doesn't fall so far away"

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Smiles, tugging her down beside him.

"It flew. Feather pillow you know."

[leela1.livejournal.com]

Clapping her hand over her mouth so she doesn't giggle too loudly, she sinks onto the bed beside him. Arms reaching out to hug him as she goes.

"Nmmmhmmm, yea right. I believe that you know." She smirks.

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Leans against her, letting her hug him. He has one hand petting Gabriel's hair, the other being held tight be both of Ella's hands.

"It did. Just jumped up and flew at the door."

He's quiet for a minute, staring at the girl in his lap.

"I'm sorry."

[leela1.livejournal.com]

For a moment confusion crosses her face. "Sorry? Sorry about .. oh, that." She lies quietly there for a few moments, then nuzzles against his arm.

"It's fogiven. You were doing what you thought was right. And you were trying to help Rhoswynn.. and you did it out of love. Love for the child, the children.. and their Mother."

More quietly she continues. "Jason, I am going to have this child - his child.. our child. Gonna do it if I have to tie him to the bed again and use the tears. And I feel so guilty - for things I haven't even done yet.. it won't happen the same way. Swear it. He won't hurt her again."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

He nods, thinking a bit.

"I think she ended up here for a reason, so that we could change things."

He sets the back of his hand against Ella's head, checking her temperature.

"She gave me some hope though, about our future."

[leela1.livejournal.com]

"Wish I could believe that. I think she came here because I was a mass murderer in a past life and she's my puunishment." She sighs sadly.

"Jason, I don't really mean it, honest. But she's older than I am.. by a couple years or more; and all she does is scream at me for stuff I haven't even done yet. And she twists things around.. makes the whole nexus think I am this horrible, fucking parent - horrible person."

"Part of me already loves my daughter.. but I sure as hell don't like her. And yea, I feel guilty about that too. And Asher is mad, Cel is furious, and Zane barely talks to me."

"I'm about getting into fist fights over her, driving the men I love away.. and she just doesn't care. I'm exhausted. So menatally fucking tired of all of it. Just wanna sleep it all away sometimes."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

"She's scared Leela, so damn scared. For whatever reason, Cel managed to take her away from you, from us and then..."

He sighs, kissing her forehead.

"She's telling you what she believed happened. Just listen to what she says and figure out what needs to be done to change it. There's nothing else we can do for now."

[leela1.livejournal.com]

"Well, he won't take her away this time. I meant what I said, Jsson. I'm not letting her go this time."

She goes silent for a moment, thinking. "If I have to hire tutors, and kidnap a couple sidhe and keep them in a closet until she's born..He is not taking her away again. He's not.. he's not gonna touch her again."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Laughs, trying to keep it quiet.

"I never realised they were closet types."

[leela1.livejournal.com]

"No, actually they are quite blatent. But they are also loud and obnoxious - and way too arrogant. A closet would be good for then for a change."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

He grins, getting comfortable.

"You would know. Now, get some sleep. At least one of us needs to be awake tonight. Full moon you know."

[leela1.livejournal.com]

"Ok. .. hold on." Quietly she gets up, strips off her boots and her fighting gear. Climbing back onto the bed again, she snuggles under the blanket, and reaching up, she kisses him on the cheek,

"Good night Jason. Love you."

Lying back down behind him she curls in close, and soon falls asleep, smiling.