Entry in Written Journal

[thewolfinside]

He killed Jason tonight. Not me, but an alternate. It's really messed him up, he's been having nightmares.

I've been watching them all night, him and Ella. I've seen how he holds Scud and Leela, know how he holds me at night. Wraps himself around us like he's holding on for his life, afraid someone is going to tear us away.

He's different with her. Cradles her gently as if even asleep he realises she's the most precious thing in our lives. Because she is


Great, I was afraid of this. Ella is running a temperature. She's been cranky all night, which isn't saying much because she's always cranky if Gabe is gone during her bedtime, but tonight was bad. Not even Em could get her to calm down. I laughed when I first saw the diaper bag Lil brought in with her, cheap and packed with all kinds of 'Must Haves' that the social services people put in them for foster care babies. Now I'm kinda glad we have it because Children's Motrin is a thing of the gods.

Sitting on the bed now, Ella curled up in my lap, Gabriel's arm stretched over the both of us. Both of them needing touch to settle down and sleep. It's ironic, normally she wants Gabe for everything and now suddenly she wants me. It's a little funny.

It's going to be a fun night, I almost feel sorry for Em. A sick cranky kid and a house full of shifting lycans. She's going to be a mess come morning, but if she survives it and still wants to stick around...

I hope she does, they need each other and Rhos told me... can't trust in that now, not until after she's born. But it's a dream, something to hold onto.

I wonder if I should tell Emma and Adam what she said, about them having a son?

Sorta miss Scud. He's always good for early, early morning talks. I can't tell if any lights are on in the garage, and I can't leave these two. Not that I'd wake him up just because I'm needing someone to talk to. Miss that, all of us cuddled in one bed. Warm, safe... Lil's with Jaydyn now, Leela's with Zane or Asher, Scud with ...whoever he's with when he's not here. Asking Jase or Em in would just be weird and Lee and Nate are in Wales...

I miss it, but it's something I'll have to get used to.


Closes the journal and leans over, putting it into the drawer of the nightstand. Leans back against the headboard, Ella curled up on his lap like a kitten, Gabe's arm stretched over them both.

Comments

[leela1.livejournal.com]

"Wish I could believe that. I think she came here because I was a mass murderer in a past life and she's my puunishment." She sighs sadly.

"Jason, I don't really mean it, honest. But she's older than I am.. by a couple years or more; and all she does is scream at me for stuff I haven't even done yet. And she twists things around.. makes the whole nexus think I am this horrible, fucking parent - horrible person."

"Part of me already loves my daughter.. but I sure as hell don't like her. And yea, I feel guilty about that too. And Asher is mad, Cel is furious, and Zane barely talks to me."

"I'm about getting into fist fights over her, driving the men I love away.. and she just doesn't care. I'm exhausted. So menatally fucking tired of all of it. Just wanna sleep it all away sometimes."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

"She's scared Leela, so damn scared. For whatever reason, Cel managed to take her away from you, from us and then..."

He sighs, kissing her forehead.

"She's telling you what she believed happened. Just listen to what she says and figure out what needs to be done to change it. There's nothing else we can do for now."

[leela1.livejournal.com]

"Well, he won't take her away this time. I meant what I said, Jsson. I'm not letting her go this time."

She goes silent for a moment, thinking. "If I have to hire tutors, and kidnap a couple sidhe and keep them in a closet until she's born..He is not taking her away again. He's not.. he's not gonna touch her again."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Laughs, trying to keep it quiet.

"I never realised they were closet types."

[leela1.livejournal.com]

"No, actually they are quite blatent. But they are also loud and obnoxious - and way too arrogant. A closet would be good for then for a change."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

He grins, getting comfortable.

"You would know. Now, get some sleep. At least one of us needs to be awake tonight. Full moon you know."

[leela1.livejournal.com]

"Ok. .. hold on." Quietly she gets up, strips off her boots and her fighting gear. Climbing back onto the bed again, she snuggles under the blanket, and reaching up, she kisses him on the cheek,

"Good night Jason. Love you."

Lying back down behind him she curls in close, and soon falls asleep, smiling.