"I... I couldn't think, I was fucking lost and she made it stop. The pain. The memories are still there, but it's like reading a boring book or something."
"Cordy and Faith both say it's a temporary side affect. That those memories and the pain was such a major part of everything in my life that it'll take a couple of days before it all fits together again."
Pauses, looking down.
"Wanted her to take the memories, but she wouldn't. Said it would change me."
Snapping out the words before he could think about them, wincing as he hears his own voice. Regaining control of it, forcing that flat, neutral tone to his voice.
"And if it's not temporary? And if yer like this forever? Can you even feel anything or are you as hollow as you seem?'
"I'll admit, I wasn't thinking clearly. Hell, I was barely thinking at all, Gabriel. Everything she ever said and did, the torture, all the crap we've had to deal with, even knowing what you were going through came crashing down on me last night and I wanted IT TO STOP."
"And so you asked for all yer memories to be gone? Of her. So what? Leela? Nathaniel? The pard? I mean, she was stalkin ya when I got here so... Me too?"
Pain creeping into his tones, pushing to his feet.
"Is that it? Wanted to be rid of all the pain in one fell swoop? No worries anymore? No one makin it hurt?"
"I hurt myself Jason. All the damn time. And if you think it's only with blades then you are being short sighted.'
Sighing, lapping at his palms, trying to stop the blood.
"Whaddya want me to say? I love ya, kid. Have since.. fuck the first minute I saw you? Held you in my goddamn arms? I don't even fuckin know. I just know I do. And I don't give ...'
Bowing his head.
"And I don't give a fuck whatcha do to me, what pain ya cause. I love you. And I ain't goin nowhere. Fuckin... You could hurt me, break me, cheat on me, leave me... I'd still love ya. Just one pussy whipped pussy with no cunt involved."
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thewolfinside
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no subject
Date: 7 Jul 2005 04:59 (UTC)The pitcher, Gabriel, leans against the doorjamb half in the house.
"Penny for yer thoughts, pup. I'll pay the world for the rest of ya."
no subject
Date: 7 Jul 2005 05:02 (UTC)"That, was so sappy."
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Date: 7 Jul 2005 05:03 (UTC)Smiling himself, moving to sit beside Jason.
"I blame you. I never said shit like that before you went all sweet on me and the love and shit.'
Complaining without sounding the least bit upset.
no subject
Date: 7 Jul 2005 05:09 (UTC)"I happily accept the blame. For all the changes."
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Date: 7 Jul 2005 05:14 (UTC)"If... If you hadn't heard from that blonde, and saw all that... Would you have thought I sent Dollface that statue?"
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Date: 7 Jul 2005 05:15 (UTC)"No."
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Date: 7 Jul 2005 05:21 (UTC)"Are you sure?"
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Date: 7 Jul 2005 05:22 (UTC)"Of course I'm sure. You didn't do that, WOULDN'T do that."
Looks back at the lake, frowning.
"Even at your worst, you didn't go for mindgames like that."
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Date: 7 Jul 2005 05:25 (UTC)"She thought I did. And she didn't let Emma kill me. I guess...."
Shaking his head, combing his fingers through Jason's hair, brushing it back from his face.
"Maybe there is a chance after all."
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Date: 7 Jul 2005 05:27 (UTC)"Yeah, there is."
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Date: 7 Jul 2005 05:31 (UTC)Reaching over, gently taking Jason by the chin and turning his head, trying to meet his eyes.
"What's goin on behind those sexy blue eyes, pup?"
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Date: 7 Jul 2005 05:35 (UTC)Turns back to the lake, setting the bottle down.
"I think I fucked up."
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Date: 7 Jul 2005 05:36 (UTC)"What.. .What did you do?"
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Date: 7 Jul 2005 05:41 (UTC)"Raina's back, did you know that?"
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Date: 7 Jul 2005 05:44 (UTC)Snapped, harsh, anger seeping into his tones.
"What? Tell me, Jason."
no subject
Date: 7 Jul 2005 05:46 (UTC)"She was saying shit and..."
Quietly.
"I needed you. Needed to know that she was wrong and they had made you go and you weren't here and..."
Takes a deep breath and shrugs.
"I lost it."
no subject
Date: 7 Jul 2005 05:48 (UTC)"She is a fucking foul mouthed lying bitch. And you know that. And i wasn't here cause..."
Shaking his head, trying to speak and not finding words.
"I left the note... I had to go... I had to.. for the pard, Jason.'
Confused, trying to see Jason's face, his eyes.
"What? What? Tell me?"
no subject
Date: 7 Jul 2005 05:51 (UTC)"I know, but at the time..."
Takes a drink from the bottle.
"I was alone. And I freaked out. Everything she said was running through my head, twisting things and... Dru heard me."
no subject
Date: 7 Jul 2005 05:54 (UTC)"And?"
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Date: 7 Jul 2005 05:56 (UTC)no subject
Date: 7 Jul 2005 05:57 (UTC)no subject
Date: 7 Jul 2005 06:02 (UTC)Looks at Gabriel, worried.
"Gabe?"
no subject
Date: 7 Jul 2005 06:03 (UTC)"Just the pain? That's it? Then why are you actin so damn... hollow?"
no subject
Date: 7 Jul 2005 06:06 (UTC)"Cordy and Faith both say it's a temporary side affect. That those memories and the pain was such a major part of everything in my life that it'll take a couple of days before it all fits together again."
Pauses, looking down.
"Wanted her to take the memories, but she wouldn't. Said it would change me."
no subject
Date: 7 Jul 2005 06:09 (UTC)Snapping out the words before he could think about them, wincing as he hears his own voice. Regaining control of it, forcing that flat, neutral tone to his voice.
"And if it's not temporary? And if yer like this forever? Can you even feel anything or are you as hollow as you seem?'
no subject
Date: 7 Jul 2005 06:17 (UTC)Looks over at Gabriel, almost angry.
"I'll admit, I wasn't thinking clearly. Hell, I was barely thinking at all, Gabriel. Everything she ever said and did, the torture, all the crap we've had to deal with, even knowing what you were going through came crashing down on me last night and I wanted IT TO STOP."
no subject
Date: 7 Jul 2005 06:23 (UTC)Pain creeping into his tones, pushing to his feet.
"Is that it? Wanted to be rid of all the pain in one fell swoop? No worries anymore? No one makin it hurt?"
no subject
Date: 7 Jul 2005 06:30 (UTC)"You're the reason why I didn't go through with it."
Stills, Gabriel's words hitting home.
"I couldn't be strong like that."
Realises just how weak that excuse sounds now.
no subject
Date: 7 Jul 2005 06:33 (UTC)Shaking, nails digging hard into his palms, blood just staring to pool.
"Is that what you really want, Jason? You say I'm the reason but... You want free of me? Regrets after all?"
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Date: 7 Jul 2005 06:37 (UTC)"No. I need you, love you."
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Date: 7 Jul 2005 06:41 (UTC)Silent so long, tears slowly streaking down his cheeks.
Love you too.
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Date: 7 Jul 2005 06:44 (UTC)"I'm sorry I hurt you."
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Date: 7 Jul 2005 06:46 (UTC)"No hurt, pup. Not a damn thing. I'm just... An over emotional old fool. That's all. Nevermind me."
Scurbbing at his eyes, trying to make the damn tears stop.
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Date: 7 Jul 2005 06:49 (UTC)"..."
Pulls sharply at his hair, a sick smile on his face.
"Sure, didn't hurt you at all."
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Date: 7 Jul 2005 06:54 (UTC)Sighing, lapping at his palms, trying to stop the blood.
"Whaddya want me to say? I love ya, kid. Have since.. fuck the first minute I saw you? Held you in my goddamn arms? I don't even fuckin know. I just know I do. And I don't give ...'
Bowing his head.
"And I don't give a fuck whatcha do to me, what pain ya cause. I love you. And I ain't goin nowhere. Fuckin... You could hurt me, break me, cheat on me, leave me... I'd still love ya. Just one pussy whipped pussy with no cunt involved."
no subject
Date: 7 Jul 2005 06:59 (UTC)Words whispered, staring at the ground.
"I want it back. I don't like this."
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Date: 7 Jul 2005 07:02 (UTC)Arms wrapping around himself.
"I.. I worry about even holdin ya. Like yer not gonna want it. Or pull away. Or just not care."
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Date: 7 Jul 2005 07:05 (UTC)"Please? I need you, Gabe."
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Date: 7 Jul 2005 07:07 (UTC)"Don't fuckin do this shit to me, dammit.'
The words growled, pain filled, nuzzling at the side of Jason's face like the cat he was.
no subject
Date: 7 Jul 2005 07:10 (UTC)"I'll find Dru, have her fix this."
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Date: 7 Jul 2005 07:11 (UTC)"Please? I... I need you whole, pup. I need you... as my pup."
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Date: 7 Jul 2005 07:12 (UTC)"I know where she's at..."
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Date: 7 Jul 2005 07:14 (UTC)Smiles softly, tongue tracing his lips for a taste of Jason.
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Date: 7 Jul 2005 07:16 (UTC)"Yeah, would hate for you to scare her if she says she can't do it."
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Date: 7 Jul 2005 07:18 (UTC)"If she can't? Come home and we wait it out. Just.. come home."
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Date: 7 Jul 2005 07:23 (UTC)Turns and heads into the woods.
no subject
Date: 7 Jul 2005 07:30 (UTC)Not wanting anything. Well, except the one thing he couldn't have in that moment.
Resting his head against the railing of the steps leading down, watching the moonlight play over the lake.