Written Journal Entry

[thewolfinside]

Going to go see Crane today. See if he has time to see me, or if I need to go back to my world to see someone. I can't live like this. It's hurting Gabe, hurting us. I'm tired of it, tired of this nagging fear that keeps coming up. I want to know why, why it's there and how to get rid of it.

I want a lot of things, even though I'll never get most of them.

I want Leela to get her memory back.

I want Nate to not be a bastard to us.

I want Zane to be secure in the pard, to believe that we're not going to kill him or toss him out.

I want this fear to go away.

I want Gabe to be okay, to get through whatever's going on in his head.

I want what he has with Ella. I want to be more than puppy. I want to be Daddy too.

I want to be able to think about Gabe and Ella and the pard and not be scared to death that it's all going to go away from me.

I wan



He looks up as Ella starts to cry and turns the journal over, face down on the table. Gets up and walks over to her, crouching down to pick her up. Starts to turn and go back into the kitchen when Jase bounces down the stairs, keys in hand, asking him to go with to get breakfast. Grabs the diaper bag and follows his shorter twin from the house, leaving the journal on the table.

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[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

Padding out of the bedroom, eyes still filled with sleep and his nearly bare body showing the marks of his sheets. Padding to the kitchen, pulling out a carton of milk and taking a long swig.

Pausing, canting his head.

"Jason? Ellababy? Jase?"

Reminded he needed to call Emma as Em had not been returned as he turns to head into the living room.

And there is the journal.

And for all men there is that moment. Do I or don't I? Knowing they are about to do a bad thing, but weighing the rights to the wrongs doesn't always yield the right answer. And sometimes they do come up with the right answer, do the right thing.

But then Gabe's never been one known for self control.

Picking up the journal, carton in the other hand as he read. Silent a long time, not realizing the carton has tilted, that the milk is trickling out onto the floor.

"Well, fuck."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Walks in with Ella in his arms, laughing at Jase. Drops the diaper bag on the couch and glances toward the kitchen.

"Gabe, you're spilling milk on the floor."

Heads towards the bedroom, then stops when he realises what Gabe had in his hand.

"Jase, you want to clean up Ella for me and take her outside to play. The backyard preferably."

Hands the girl over to Jase and goes into the kitchen.

"Hey, you want me to clean that up?"

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

Jumping at the sound of voices, yanking the carton upright and dropping the journal with a thud on the table. Shaking his head at Jason, moving to grab a handsful of dishtowels from the drawer, sinking to his knees to start moping up the spilt milk.

Not even looking up as he spoke, tones soft.

"I'm sorry, Jason. I... I shouldn't have."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Sits on the floor by the table, watching Gabriel. Doesn't say anything as Jase walks through the room with Ella and out the back door.

"I don't mind. How far did you get?"

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

"Actually? Just the first page... well, and the one before that. Just... Fuck.'

Sighing, tossing the sodden towels into a pile.

"I didn't know I was making life that damn hard for you. Fuck, wish I'd gone to Crane now."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Shakes his head.

"Hey, it's not just you, it's mostly me and my issues."

Reaches over and takes Gabriel's hand.

"You keep me sane."

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

Sighing, using Jason's hold to pull him closer, tugging his mate into his arms.

"Fuck, I love you so goddamn much. And to know you haven't been happy and I'm so wrapped up in my own shit.'

Whimpering, burying his face to Jason's throat, kissing tenderly.

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

"It's not like I said anything."

Sighs, wrapping his arms around Gabriel.

"I'm used to keeping shit quiet, not opening up and saying anything. That's why I started the journal, so I could figure shit out."

"It's helping, but not a lot."

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

"Baby? I'm not her. I want you to let it out. I want you to rant and to scream and show me you're hurting. I want to hear you when it hurts and have you talk me me when it doesn't. Please?'

Lapping at his jaw, holding him tight.

"So what will help a lot?"

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

"I know. That's what I'm trying to figure out how to do."

Turns his head, kissing Gabriel.

"...be patient with me?"

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

Slowly laying back on the hardwood floor, pulling Jason with him. Cradling his mate's lean form to his, holding him tight as his fingers stroked trough the silken strands of his blonde mane.

"A patient as you need. All the time. I'm yours, baby. Always. No matter what."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Kisses Gabe, letting his hands run down his mate's sides.

"I'm yours."

A soft bite on his chin, then kissing his neck, slowly working his way down his body. Skin brushing against skin, pausing to tease his nipples, tongue playing with the silver rings and moaning softly at the slight burn.

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

Eyes closing, sighing softly in pleasure. Writhing at the feeling of skin on skin, the sweet, delicious feeling of his mate's skin on his.

"Fuck.. baby... we shouldn't...'

Moaning as he felt the heat of his mate's tongue on his skin, the silver burning making him gasp.

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

"Shouldn't what?"

Looking up at Gabe, his eyes wide, wanting. Stares as he lowers his head, biting and tugging gently on one ring.

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

Shivering, whimpering as pain shot through him. Feeling his cock harden, painfully hard with need.

Staring down at Jason with heated eyes.

"I wanna see you ride my cock, baby. Want to feel you bounce on me."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

"fuck."

Closes his eyes, a shudder running through him and then pushes himself up, standing. Kicks off his shoes as he pulls off his shirt, then yanks at the buttons and pushes his jeans to the floor.

Sinks to his knees, straddling Gabe. Pulls at his mate's shorts, tugging them down, then smirks. Turns and reaches up on the counter, grabbing a bottle of oil.

"Is it wrong to use extra virgin olive oil?"

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

Panting, barely able to take a breath as he watches his mate. Groaning, hips already rolling gently with lust.

Laughing, rolling his eyes.

"Stop worrying about what the fuck you're using and mount my fucking cock, pup.' Snarling out the words, reaching up and grabbing Jason's cock, jerking it almost hard.

"Fuck me."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Whining, almost dropping the bottle as he shifts forward, pushing into Gabe's hand. Quickly unscrews the cap and dumps some oil in his hand then takes hold of Gabe's dick, slicking it with the oil.

Tightens his hold on Gabe as he sinks down onto his mate's cock, moaning as he's filled, his hands sliding up Gabe's torso. Whimpers softly when his balls brush against his lover's skin, shivering.

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

"fuck.. fuck.. Oh fuck...' Growling out the words as he felt the tight heat of Jason's ass wrapping around his dick.

"That's it.. come on pup.. show me how much you love it."

And with that his hips thrust up, slamming himself into his mate with a cry, beginning to pound into his lover's ass, even as he continues to almost loving stroke his mate's cock.

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Leans forward, bracing himself with his hands on Gabe's chest as he rides his mate. Moaning as he rocks up into Gabe's hand before slamming back down on his dick over and over.

"Fuck... loveitloveit."

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

"That's it, baby, fuck yourself on me.'

Chuckling, holding still, forcing himself to lay back and let Jason do the work.

"Come on, pup... do it... cum in my hand, whore.'

Growling now, hand pulsing around his lover's cock.

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Closing his eyes and rocking back and forth between Gabriel's hand and cock, panting moans and muffled curses as he fucks himself on his mate. Trying to keep a steady rhythym, but failing as he gets closer to the edge.

Opens his eyes, staring down at Gabe, gnawing on his bottom lip as his nails rake down his lover's torso. Body jerking as he moves, slamming down harder on Gabe's cock.

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

Staring up at Jason, mesmerized by the look on his face, the need, the lust.

"Fuck it.'

Moaning as his hands gripped Jason's hips and his own body flexed, driving himself hard and fast into his lover's ass.

"Come on, bitch. Stroke your own cock, jack it off on my chest, pup. Fucking cum for me before I blow in your ass."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Trembling, knowing it won't take much more, hand wrapping around his cock. His thumb rubbing over the head, catching the end of the barbell. Moaning, his fingers catching the other end as his hand slides up and down the shaft.

"Fuck... yes, yes... fuck"

Slamming back on Gabe's cock, yelling his lover's name as he cums, hot streams splattering on his hand and Gabe's chest.

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

"That's it.. .oh god, baby...'

Feeling that hot splash of cum on his chest, watching his lover's face as he sunk into his release. Moaning, hips still driving hard and fast into his husband as he tossed back his head.

Not caring who heard, the feeling so intense in that moment that he roared. A sound of claiming, of ownership, of mating. A sound that came with a last hard buck of his hips, cock twitching in Jason's ass as he came.

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Falling forward, resting his head on Gabe's shoulder as he pants, his heart racing.

Lifting up a bit and tilting his head, he licks Gabe's chest, cleaning his cum from his lover's skin.