(no subject)

[thewolfinside]

Jason is sprawled on the couch, watching the only channel he has memorized, The Cheerleading Channel, while waiting for Emma.

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[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

Gasping, trying to think, to not feel, to do anything but feel like a massive, throbbing nerve ending of self loathing.

"Love... Love you... Oh god..."

Biting out the words the best he could, twisting, snuffling like a hurt child as he wraps his arms tightly around Jason, clinging to him.

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Bites his lip again, managing not to wince at the pain in his hand. Kisses the top of Gabriel's head, rocking a bit. Finally pulls back a bit, kissing Gabe.

"Wanna curl up in bed? Bury ourselves under the covers and forget everyone exists for a while?"

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

Breath. That was what he had to do. If he could breath, force himself to breath, everything would be okay. He would be okay.

Pants slowing to breaths, shuddering slightly with a sigh.

"Yes, Daddy?'

Forcing a smile, raising his head to meet Jason's eyes.

'Thank you."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Runs his unbroken hand through Gabriel's hair, trying to smile back.

"You're welcome."

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

Pulling away reluctantly, rising to offer his hand.

"I need you, pup. More than you will ever know."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Shakes his head, pointing to the bedroom.

"Go warm up the bed. I need to call Scud and Lee. Send one of them to get Lil."

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

Wavering, pausing.

"I.. I should go. She's mine. My responsibility, pup. I should...'

Nodding, wiping off his face, trying to look like the alpha he was.

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Shakes his head, frowning.

"No. It's time some of the others started pulling their weight around here, instead of just showing up when they need a place to crash."

Grabs Gabriel's hand, kissing the palm.

"Love you. Go lay down, I'll be right there."

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

Slumping, eyes closing.

"If you think so.' Weary, still trying to find some scrap of himself inside. Some part that wasn't willing to just lay down and quit.

"Take yer time... Lil... Lil comes first. You all do.' Smiling, padding into the bedroom and crawling up under the covers.

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Whispers quietly.

"No, you do."

Waits until he's sure Gabriel is in the room, then sets his broken hand in his lap and reaches over to the coffee table, grabbing the phone.

He quickly leaves messages for Scud and Lee, then dials Leela's number. Sets the bones in his hand while talking with her and then hangs up.

Stares at his hand, willing it to heal faster, not wanting Gabriel to realise just how bad it was. Finally comes out of his daze and looks up at the clock. Stands up and goes into the bedroom, curling up with Gabriel.

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

The bedroom silent as he waited for Jason. But his mind couldn't still. Their had been a flash, a pain that wasn't his, wasn't the Dollface's. A terror he'd never known, not in more years than he liked to count.

A glimpse of what he was sure he would feel when this Emma linked him to Leela. And that very tiny sliver terrified him.

Turning as he felt Jason behind him, whimpering as he pulled his lover to him.

"I can't do it, pup. I can't."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Wraps his arms around Gabriel, holding tight.

"Why not?"

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

"Not strong enough,' he whispers, still shaking.

"I... I can't look into her mind, see what I did and handle it. I can't."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Pulls back, taking Gabriel's face in his hands, forcing him to look up.

"Yes, you can. You swore to do this, promised her whatever she wanted as punishment. If you don't, you'll ruin everything you're trying to rebuild."

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

Biting his lip, teeth digging in until Gabriel could taste blood in his mouth.

"I'll do it. I'll do whatever she says. I just... Won't make it.. can't...'

Eyes darting away, looking over Jason's shoulder.

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Nods, drops his hands and head, laying his head against Gabriel's shoulder.

"One step at a time. We get to that point and we'll deal with it then."

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

Wrapping his arms around Jason, slumping.

"Why are you doing this? Don't give me that love shit. I know you love me, pup. What I don't know is how love makes you able to look at me.'

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Lays there, fighting back the tears.

"Because I know how much you regret what happened, how much you wish you could change it."

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

"I don't deserve you, kid.'

The words murmured softly, canting his head to nuzzle into Jason's hair.

"If I believed in god, I'd thank him every day for ya. Remind me to be human, pup. Remind my why it's worth it."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

"Yes, you do."

Sighs, nodding.

"I'll remind you constantly."

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

"Is... Is she gonna be okay?' Nodding toward the door, fingers slowly combing through Jason's hair, sliding down his arm and moving to take his hand.

"Hadn't meant to hurt her.'

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

"Emma will be okay. She's already headed home."

Lays there, eyes closed.

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

"Talk to me, pup? Please?'

Fingers lightly twining with Jason's, his other hand smoothing his hair back from his brow.

"Tell me whatcher thinkin."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Shakes his head, then leans into Gabriel's touch.

"Trying not to think. I don't want to think right now."

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

"So worried about you, pup.'

Refusing to worry about himself. Too many others.

"Ya got yerself into hell. Yer the only one here that doesn't need an alpha, you choose to have one and you get straddled with me. And the trouble kids.'

Smiling at that, stroking that silken mane.

"If you ever cut yer hair like Nathaniel? I"m so spanking you."