(no subject)

[thewolfinside]

Jason tucks Ella in beside him as she falls asleep, drawing on the front of his journal. The simple red book now looks like a brick wall covered in graffitti, which has block letters reading "Read if you wish" on the front. Sometimes it's easier to throw the book at someone than verbally explain what's going on in his head.



Em's home. Gorgeous called this morning, said she was sending her home. Got to talk with my Emma for a bit, haven't done that in a while. Miss her.

Introduced Ray to Scud, that was fun. Was joking around with Scud and upset Gabe, didn't mean too, because it was just a joke, but it was enough to set me off. I hate being like that, wanting to just go find a dark corner and curl into a ball. Then he went with me when I walked it off. Yeah, that was enjoyable. I walked along kicking things, he followed. All I wanted to do was to go for a walk by myself, to figure out the thoughts and put them in an order that made sense to me, to anyone.

It's hard to think when he's around, 'cause I worry about being a burden to him. He doesn't need this shit, not after figuring himself out. And yes, he says I'm not, my heart knows this, but it doesn't always process in my head.

Was suppossed to go to Reno's tonight, didn't. I'll need to call and apologize, something. Don't know what happened, one second I was bouncy and having fun. Next thing, I wanted to go crawl in bed, pull the covers over me and forget the world existed. Can't remember what I was thinking of either, so much shit was running through my head.

Appointment with Betsy tonight, need to get on the meds. This is driving the others more than a little insane, they probably hate me right now. Can't be easy taking turns looking out for the crazy one. Didn't even get to do more than wave hi to Em before the boys were dragging her off. Ray's bouncing around, alternating between annoying Gabe and following Scud around. Sin is a freaking shadow. If she's not upstairs doing schoolwork (I think she's the only one who is actually doing it. Haven't been checking on the others, hope Gabe is.), then she's upstairs reading or drawing while listening to the headphones. Her own form of therapy I guess.

Mood: Shitty
Day: Started good, but sucks now




Tosses the journal on the coffee table and shifts Ella, stretching out on the couch and laying the sleeping child on his chest. Softly kisses the top of her head and closes his eyes, trying to get a nap in before someone came home and woke her up.

Comments

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

Quiet. The sleeping pair tugging hard at his heartstrings. He loved the others. Deeply. But this was his heart. His core.

Picking up the journal, sitting down cross legged on the floor and reading. And then he took up the pen.

I am and always will be a selfish man, Jason Schuyler. If you were a burden, if I thought you a burden? Would I be here? Would I do more than slap you upside the head and order you to stop being a dick?

But I don't. Because you aren't. You were there when I lost it. You stood up through all I did and held me when I fell. And now you're falling, you're down, and I'm here. I'm yours. And you are mine.

Nothing changes that. I will stand by you through it all. Nothing will ever take me from your side. Nothing.

I love you. And hate me for writing in your journal if you wish. But here it is. And for Betsy? Of course I will care for him, stand by him and administer anything I must. His life is what matters, his happiness. But he needs to be home. With his husband. And his child. He needs his family.

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Jason wakes slowly, stretching in the bed. He doesn't remember moving from the couch, but he'll blame that on Gabe. Silly mate probably carried him in here rather than waking him.

He crawls from the bed and heads for the bathroom, coming out shortly afterwards and heading for the living room. He sits on the couch, waving to Sin and then grabs his journal, opening it to add to last night's entry.

He pauses, reading Gabe's words. Takes a deep breath and reads them again, slowly tracing the letters with shaky fingers. Doesn't notice when Sin gets up and leaves the room, so focused on his mate's entry.

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

Wandering in from the backyard, shirtless, sweaty and carrying a heavy glass pitcher filled with sun tea. Not realizing Jason's up, setting it on the counter and dumping in way too much sugar, stirring it in before putting it in the fridge.

Grabbing a juice box, popping the straw in it before turning around.

"Oh. You're up. How'd you sleep, baby?"

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Looks up, eyes still wide with shock, and smiles.

"Good. Great, no nightmares. Love you."

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

"No nightmares? God, that's awesome to hear, baby.' Moving over, kissing Jason soundly. "Been clearing the land around the tombstones. Hate seeing the weeds on the graves. Is that weird since I put them in the middle of the woods?"

Eyes dropping to the book, wincing a little. "Didn't know if you'd mind. I mean, I know it's yer journal but..."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

"No, it's not weird. You're taking care of your pard, even the ones who are gone."

Still smiling, he nods.

"It's okay. Better than okay."

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

"Well, I didn't clear Cherry's. Fucking bitch.' But he's still smiling as he nuzzles Jason's cheek. "I love you, baby. And never, ever a burden. Even when I have to carry you and Ella to the bedroom together cause her hands are tangled in your hair." Smirking then, eyes bright.

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

"Thank you." Smiles, kissing Gabe's temple. "You could have woken me up."

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

He snorts. 'And risk the wraith of the Ellababy? I don't think so."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

"Chicken. She's not that bad." Cuddles closer to Gabe, nuzzling his neck. "It's worse trying to wake you up."

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

Chuckling before turning his head and growling against Jason's throat. "Sure I'm not bear?' Making another growl before chewing on Jason's neck.

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Laughs, pushing at Gabe. "No, you're not a bear. I don't date bears."

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

"I did once. But she was a morning person.' Laughing, grabbing Jason and yanking him close. "but.. but.. You mean if I'd been bear, you wouldn't have married me?"

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

His smile fades a little as he nods. "Love you, would have married you if you were a hyena."

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

"EW!" Making a face, snapping at Jason's collarbone. "I'd rather be shot. Sides, I bet they giggle during sex and that? That my love would get weird." Trying so hard, upbeat, perky, no worries.

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Stares at Gabe then starts laughing hysterically. "Giggle... sex..."

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

"Oh. So glad that amuses you. Please, you would.. .Yeah, you would.' Grinning, reaching over and tugging at Jason's hair before flopping down on the floor.

"Just remember, when I cry out WAFFLEGOD! It's fun not sex."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Chokes, falling over on the couch. "If Sam shows up in our bedroom..."

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

Giggles, rolling over and laying his head on Jason's stomach.

"What? Apparently we have gods watching us all the time."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Rolls his eyes, running his fingers through Gabe's hair. "It's one thing to know they're watching, it's another for them to SHOW UP."

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

"Well, Wafflegod is kinda cute, you know. And according to the talk last night? I'm one of the few that hasn't done him... never know. Might be nice."

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

Gnaws on his lip, looking at Gabe. "No screwing God."

[lion-passant.livejournal.com]

"No screwing anyone you say no to." Kisses him tenderly.

[thewolf-inside.livejournal.com]

"I wouldn't even say no, except it's Sam, and he's God and..." Shakes his head, ducking his head. "and there's that whole perfect thing."

[mandorla.livejournal.com]

(( I'll have you know that I find it freakin' wierd, since the book I read just had Elena calling the bad guy a Hyena.... ))