Jason Schuyler

Trembling, the intrusion not hurting but.. he could feel it. Fingers tightening on Jason's, near painfully, perhaps breaking something. he didn't know. He couldn't think about it. He had to know Jason was there though. His. Still there.

Leela's face. Her Body. Heat. Pain. Need. Hunger. Flashes of color, motion, pain, drunken rage. And then the pain. Self loathing, the cut of silver into flesh, blood and pain and sex. Hatred. For himself. Suicidal thoughts. Worries for these people. Jason. And Leela. Scud. Lil. Lee. Sadness, a keening pain of heartache. Jason. Over and over again, Jason. And Leela. Her pain, his pain. His desire to make her happy, wanting to send her cars, pets, plants, jewelry. Anything. Knowing merely how to throw money at a problem. Seeking pain, wanting her to hurt him, to beat him. To even kill him. More. Not enough. None of it was enough.

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Bites his lip at the pain in his hand, feeling the smaller bones break, not caring.

Kisses the back of Gabriel's neck, lost as to how to help.

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Shaking, taking it all in, trying so hard to stop it but it was all there. His pain, his hatred for what he did, what he was, his need for retribution on himself, on the beast, anything to make it better.

Whimpering, yanking her hand back with a shudder. Pulling so hard she slammed her back into the coffee table, crying out with the pain.

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Jerks up at Emma's cry of pain, staring at her.

"Gorgeous? Emma, you okay?"

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"Yes, fine. Really.'

Ducking her head, trying to hide the tears in her eyes.

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"No, you're not."

Reaches over with his free hand and takes her hand, pulling her towards the couch.

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"Shhhh. I'm okay. Really."

Shaking her head, blonde hair flying.

"Hard to live through that and not... I.. I won't hurt him."

The last whispered, moving stiffly, her back hurting.

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The pain real, sharp, all of the scabs that had healed over his pain had been torn apart and he was left with nothing to protect him from all of it.

Leela's cries, her pain. His... everything. All of it. Sobbing, head turned to press into the sofa, trying to smother the sound into the cushions.

A week of pain, of emotion, of hatred all being slammed into his concious mind in a single moment.

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Drops Emma's hand and wraps his arm around Gabriel, pulling him close. Closes his eyes, fighting not to breakdown himself.

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Rising, shakey, barely able to stand for a moment.

"I'll... I will do as Leela asks. No more. No less. Afterwards... Get help. Both of you. All of you. Please. Or let me wipe your minds. Live through it, survive, move on."

Leaning down, pressing a kiss to Jason's brow.

"Soon, Sexy. And then you can all heal. Take care of yourself. And him.'

Pushing away, feeling Jason's heart ache once more and whimpering as she moved to the door, needing to be home.

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Nods, hearing Emma leave. Holds Gabriel, shaking a bit.

"Love you."

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Gasping, trying to think, to not feel, to do anything but feel like a massive, throbbing nerve ending of self loathing.

"Love... Love you... Oh god..."

Biting out the words the best he could, twisting, snuffling like a hurt child as he wraps his arms tightly around Jason, clinging to him.

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Bites his lip again, managing not to wince at the pain in his hand. Kisses the top of Gabriel's head, rocking a bit. Finally pulls back a bit, kissing Gabe.

"Wanna curl up in bed? Bury ourselves under the covers and forget everyone exists for a while?"

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Breath. That was what he had to do. If he could breath, force himself to breath, everything would be okay. He would be okay.

Pants slowing to breaths, shuddering slightly with a sigh.

"Yes, Daddy?'

Forcing a smile, raising his head to meet Jason's eyes.

'Thank you."

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Runs his unbroken hand through Gabriel's hair, trying to smile back.

"You're welcome."

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Pulling away reluctantly, rising to offer his hand.

"I need you, pup. More than you will ever know."

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Shakes his head, pointing to the bedroom.

"Go warm up the bed. I need to call Scud and Lee. Send one of them to get Lil."

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Wavering, pausing.

"I.. I should go. She's mine. My responsibility, pup. I should...'

Nodding, wiping off his face, trying to look like the alpha he was.

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Shakes his head, frowning.

"No. It's time some of the others started pulling their weight around here, instead of just showing up when they need a place to crash."

Grabs Gabriel's hand, kissing the palm.

"Love you. Go lay down, I'll be right there."

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Slumping, eyes closing.

"If you think so.' Weary, still trying to find some scrap of himself inside. Some part that wasn't willing to just lay down and quit.

"Take yer time... Lil... Lil comes first. You all do.' Smiling, padding into the bedroom and crawling up under the covers.

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Whispers quietly.

"No, you do."

Waits until he's sure Gabriel is in the room, then sets his broken hand in his lap and reaches over to the coffee table, grabbing the phone.

He quickly leaves messages for Scud and Lee, then dials Leela's number. Sets the bones in his hand while talking with her and then hangs up.

Stares at his hand, willing it to heal faster, not wanting Gabriel to realise just how bad it was. Finally comes out of his daze and looks up at the clock. Stands up and goes into the bedroom, curling up with Gabriel.

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The bedroom silent as he waited for Jason. But his mind couldn't still. Their had been a flash, a pain that wasn't his, wasn't the Dollface's. A terror he'd never known, not in more years than he liked to count.

A glimpse of what he was sure he would feel when this Emma linked him to Leela. And that very tiny sliver terrified him.

Turning as he felt Jason behind him, whimpering as he pulled his lover to him.

"I can't do it, pup. I can't."

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Wraps his arms around Gabriel, holding tight.

"Why not?"

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"Not strong enough,' he whispers, still shaking.

"I... I can't look into her mind, see what I did and handle it. I can't."

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